USGS Astrogeology Hot Topics - Humorous

Actual science tests report

nospam@example.com (HotTopicsJournalist) — Wed, 13 Sep 2006 15:43:25 -0700

These are reputedly real answers to questions on science tests.

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or, if it's a lady, rub her arm above the hand. Or put her head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.

Equator: a menagerie lion running around Earth through Africa.

Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is so that there is something to hitch the meat to.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain. The borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - A, E, I, O, and U.

credit:AHAJOKES.com

Crop Circle Humor

nospam@example.com (HotTopicsJournalist) — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 14:42:41 -0700

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Wedding Dress For Use In Space

nospam@example.com (HotTopicsJournalist) — Thu, 25 May 2006 10:24:20 -0700

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June is almost here and I've been thinking about the brides who will need a dress for their wedding, should they carry out their celebration in space. After all, life will go on there.

Eri Matsui designed these wedding dresses for a Space Couture Design Contest supported by the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency. The dress to the left can be worn in gravity, and the one on the right in zero gravity; however, both will look exceptional under either condition.

Her design stimulates our dream that we may get married in space soon. Excuse me, I just remembered something. I had better call Eri Matsui. We're going to need a tuxedo to go with that.

Wedding dress for use in space [Seihin-World]

Life on Mars

nospam@example.com (HotTopicsJournalist) — Mon, 15 May 2006 08:53:28 -0700

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There is life on Mars,

even if,

it's just a mouse.

Astro Chuckles

nospam@example.com (HotTopicsJournalist) — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 16:24:34 -0700

Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.'
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says 'Do you know how fast you were going?' Heisenberg says 'No, but I know where I am.'
Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
The answer to the problem was 'log(1+x)'. A student copied the answer from the good student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to 'timber(1+x)'

Credit: Physlink.com-Physics Jokes and Anecdotes

Martian Valentine From Mars with Love

nospam@example.com (HotTopicsJournalist) — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 15:01:49 -0700

Martian Valentine

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Are Martians trying to tell us something? This image of an indentation on Mars resembles a heart, a common human symbol for love. Because intelligent Martians have never been known to exist, and because formations with similarities have been found that clearly result from natural phenomena, the pit shown above is thought not to be a form of interplanetary communication. Many scientists believe instead that the right-most wall of the two-kilometer wide heart-shaped pit was created by a naturally occurring graben, a surface drop caused by expansion along a fault-line.

Perhaps love is easier to find here on Earth.

Credit: Malin Space Science Systems, MGS, JPL, NASA